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November 18 maybe just another sundayYesterday i felt like the world was falling down. Like I was nothing inside nothing, and the direction was lost.
Then it happens you wake up, and you follow some kind of stream you feel inside: you visit a website looking for nothing and you find something nice; you turn on the tv just to have some company, and you remember it's sunday, and it's been a long time since your last visit to the church.
You go out, again looking for nothing, but you feel your body fresh and young, maybe cause yesterday you were jogging. You look at everything with a different spirit.
You go in the church and you think the problem is what the priest is telling, not what the Gospel or the Bible is telling... the priest speaks about a family and tells you must feel yourself inside this family, inside the church-family. Well I'm thinking I don't feel inside a family, I feel pretty alone. I feel good like that. I don't need to be a part of something, or I prefer to think I don't need it.
The part of the Gospel they are reading, tells about a vineyard. Jesus is the vineyard and we are the the branches. And it says it doesn't matter what we do, if we are not a part of the vineyard, we won't reach any result. We will just be dead branches, good for some fireplace, to warm up the others for a while. Then Jesus also tells we didn't choose him, but He chose us. Like He needs us for something, even if it seems exactly the opposite.
Well, it's incredible how true is it: I feel without a direction, like I'm going far from something. But sometimes in the morning, I feel like a powerful entity is trying to tell me something, in a strange way made of coincidences, made of everyday good and bad feelings, made of self communication with your mind and your body.
I don't know if God needs me somehow, and I don't know if I need God. But if I had to make a choice, I would prefer the first option.
It's good to think you are a part of something bigger than you. It's just bad to think you are nothing but that.
Lila |
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