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LilaTat's spaceThis is a Place for our soft feelings. Please be quite and well behaved, when you enter here |
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November 18 maybe just another sundayYesterday i felt like the world was falling down. Like I was nothing inside nothing, and the direction was lost.
Then it happens you wake up, and you follow some kind of stream you feel inside: you visit a website looking for nothing and you find something nice; you turn on the tv just to have some company, and you remember it's sunday, and it's been a long time since your last visit to the church.
You go out, again looking for nothing, but you feel your body fresh and young, maybe cause yesterday you were jogging. You look at everything with a different spirit.
You go in the church and you think the problem is what the priest is telling, not what the Gospel or the Bible is telling... the priest speaks about a family and tells you must feel yourself inside this family, inside the church-family. Well I'm thinking I don't feel inside a family, I feel pretty alone. I feel good like that. I don't need to be a part of something, or I prefer to think I don't need it.
The part of the Gospel they are reading, tells about a vineyard. Jesus is the vineyard and we are the the branches. And it says it doesn't matter what we do, if we are not a part of the vineyard, we won't reach any result. We will just be dead branches, good for some fireplace, to warm up the others for a while. Then Jesus also tells we didn't choose him, but He chose us. Like He needs us for something, even if it seems exactly the opposite.
Well, it's incredible how true is it: I feel without a direction, like I'm going far from something. But sometimes in the morning, I feel like a powerful entity is trying to tell me something, in a strange way made of coincidences, made of everyday good and bad feelings, made of self communication with your mind and your body.
I don't know if God needs me somehow, and I don't know if I need God. But if I had to make a choice, I would prefer the first option.
It's good to think you are a part of something bigger than you. It's just bad to think you are nothing but that.
Lila October 22 suddenhappyit happens..everything is so exhausting and drained but ooops out of the blue u feel happy..endlessly happy..is it a sign of mad ness? October 03 needlessI like when you express yourself with these kind of cryptic messages.
I'd like to give you as gift one of my favourite quote: "the things you own, end up owning you".
So: be careful with mice, with cages, with classic music even... be careful with everything you have around and you don't feel appropiated for you. Just trust yourself, and what you feel is naturally beside you.
At least. that's my phylosophy lately...
Do you think one person can be at the same time careless about everybody, and with deep feelings just about himself and everything connected?
Can we be needless toward the others? October 01 heClassic music is not a bad thing.....Life inside a hole cage is also not too bad when you are more than 30... Are u afraid of mice? September 20 handle with careI know this time I've been silent, and believe me I'm sorry, cause I really needed to write you. Fact is that often when I need something or somebody, I do everything is possible to get far from that. It's a kind of defence, I guess, which pushes me to dodge everything I need, including food, friends, loves... I don't know why, sometimes my only wish is to be needless.
Last week has been tough. I made a choice, cause I felt it was the right time to do it. You know choices, when you have to make an important one, you never know weather it will be the best for you. Usually I don't like to think much when I make a choice. Thinking make me sick. And all in all, if you can never be sure of the result, why the hell you should think so much ?
So now I'm getting used of the new situation... it's not simple, but I'm concerned and I want to make it.
I don't give you further details, cause you don't need them, and after all our communication goes on a higher level, and I don't want to push it on the everyday-ground-life ;)
Next week I'll be at home anyway, so if you feel like, we can chat. Or if you feel like, we can talk, if sometimes you are at home.
LiLa |
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